Kingett Reads: Shades of Grey Part 2

STORY BY Robert W. Kingett

Published: July 20, 2013

In chapters 5 through 8 Anna loses her virginity, we see Grey's BDSM playroom, and all the while their trying to develop some sort of conflict, I try and figure out who the hell Anna is. Intrigued, then it's time for Kingett to read Fifty Shades of Grey.

Usually the exposition is by far the most boring in a story because everything is setting up to play out, including the conflicts. Now that we've jumped past the exposition with the speed of a Chita were in the rising action. At least, that's what I believe anyway.

These chapters mainly just explain who people are, and what I mean by explain I mean that were learning more about the characters, Anna and Christian Grey. Chapter 5 is all about the ambiguity surrounding Grey and his singular erotic tastes and we get to listen to Anna erotically tell us about Christian's grey sweatpants as well as listen to her ponder  over using his toothbrush because it will be like having him in her mouth.

It isn't just Anna's scattered thoughts were examining in these chapters either. We examine Grey as well as he cryptically tells Anna that he has issues with various things and that's just the way he is. Oh, and there's also the hint of danger as well. Grey is a dangerous man therefore Anna should stay far away from him. Nevertheless, Anna doesn't even consider that he just might be telling her something that she SHOULD listen to and still drools over his smoldering grey eyes, and possibly his wealth as well. I want to expound upon the rest of this part and what it entails, and then sift through these chapters.

Chapter 6 through 8 focuses on the connection between Anna and Grey that's a tad hard to understand, which I will get to. Chapter 6 delves deeper into Grey's past. but Anna won’t take any hints at all about what she's getting herself into. They want to go to his place, so they take a helicopter there. chapter 7  is the introduction to the BDSM way that Grey has sex, and Anna still doesn't get it that that's literally, what he does to consenting women. Trust me; I'll hit that sweet spot in a bit. Chapter 8 is the first ever sex scene in the book, where Anna and Grey actually have sex with no BDSM attachments, causing Anna to lose her virginity. Chapter 6 is the only chapter that isn't worth talking about because no useful dialogue is passed between the two, and nothing happens at all. Chapters 5, 7, and 8 have all the good stuff, which I will now talk about in GREAT detail.

Now that I'm really getting into the book, I'm 100 pages in anyway; I can honestly say that I'm digging it. I'm feeling it. It's not making me want to hop the nearest guy who I strut past but I'm definitely feeling the story.

Even though I really do enjoy the plot as far and the mystery behind Christian Grey and why he's a dominant, there are a few things that puzzle me to the extreme.

One of these is some of the really weird concepts and sentences that I'm catching reading the book. I'm well aware that the book isn't supposed to be read for a very critical analysis but  at least make sentences that don't make me correct them and questioning the basic meaning as I'm enjoying the book. That totally takes away from the feel and makes me distracted.

There are a lot of these examples throughout the book that I could definitely point out as if they were different colored elephants walking around my school but I've managed to narrow it down to a bit here and there. In chapter 5 for instance, Anna is waking up in bed after she's managed to drink herself useless. She takes stalk of her surroundings and then she says this.

It's very quiet. The light is muted.

I don't think the author knows what the word muted means. Muted means quiet, so the above doesn't make a lick of goddamn sense. I'm worried that an editor didn't even look before publishing this book.

Moving on now to the next weird sentence.

The orange juice tastes divine. It's thirst-quenching and refreshing.

Right, just an FYI for the folks at home… that means the exact same thing! She said the same thing, twice, within one sentence.

These odd sentences just keep popping up and this many shouldn’t even be here, even in this kind of book. I'm going to be honest; I know way better written erotic books. In fact, catch me like a bee has some excellent writing in it. I don't understand or even know what the heck this kind of writing is, but apparently editors are letting it pass.

I really like how the author shows me, and doesn't tell me what's happening, but too much showing and not enough telling isn't good at all either. She has sentences that try to show me something but don't complete the picture. This one is a good example.

Holy hell, he's been working out. He's in gray sweatpants that hang, in that way,

What way is that Anna? I don't know what expression he has… you kind of HAVE to tell me these very important details Anna otherwise I'm confused.

Speaking of Anna there are just a few observations that I’d like to make about her. She appears to be so withdrawn that she has two different personalities inside of her head. Her inner goddess and her subconscious. Don't ask me to tell them apart from each other because I don't have a clue who they are supposed to be. They live inside of her head, and they appear to be how the author tells us how Anna is feeling, rather than just telling us how Anna is feeling. I believe that she's taking the show concept just a bit too far. This kind of technique has to be the most useless form of showing how a character feels that I have ever seen in my life. It's laborious and it's unnecessary, and by the way, it its sexy either, which is her primary aim, to make a sexy way of saying that Anna is excited.

I can see where this would be great in theory but in practice it's just an annoyance when we're trying to focus on what the fuck is happening.

I scowl back at him. What is his problem? What's it to him? If I was his ... Well, I'm not. Though maybe part of me would like to be. The thought pierces through the irritation I feel at his high-handed words. I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious--she's doing her happy dance in a bright red hula skirt at the thought of being his.

It would have been a LOT clearer if she had just said I'm aroused at the thought of having him. Is it a requirement for authors to TRY and do things differently even if they are an epic, confusing, fail?

Anna is one of those people who I don't know at all, even if I had been introduced to her already. I know she's a virgin, given chapter 7, and I'm assuming that she's smart on some level. Why? Because I get sentences such as this.

My heartbeat has picked up, and my medulla oblongata has neglected to fire any synapses to make me breathe.

I know that her inner goddess has a very sexy side. Why? Because I get sentences like this.

My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba.

What else am I supposed to think? That's all, really, that I know about her. Anna is a character with many character holes within her creation. What I mean by this is there are just certain parts of her that don't even add up. For instance, her lack of attraction to ANY other boy… at all. NOTHING is explained by way of Anna's reasoning for the lack of boyfriends, or even being kissed and why she's devoted to literature.

These are basic answers to Anna's core that I just don't know, so I can't make a connection with her. I don't know her point of view because I don't get Anna, and I don't understand why she seems to be so dumb, either.

Anna has read dozens of books. Given this is the 21st century she's bound to have read many types of books. Right? She's a literature student, so surely she can't be THAT clueless about who Grey is or what he's hiding.

If she truly is an idiot when it comes to peoples personalities and desires, I don't understand why either. Again, surely, she's read many books and she must have been experienced to a lot of different things so didn't she pick up on the books she read and applied the knowledge to real life situations? You'd think so but I guess Anna didn't drink from the adaptation carton.

I don't understand the gap in deduction here Anna. Why are you so clueless when it comes to people? Even though Grey spills it all over the floor and then some, she still doesn't understand that he's a dominant. This begs the question as to what the heck kind of critical reading skills do you have, Anna? Do you even LIKE your best friend by the way, Kate? Because in chapters 1 through 4 you talk bad about her an awful lot! I don't understand Anna, case and point, and this makes it really hard to understand why she says what she says or why she thinks what she thinks or, even, her entire thought process.

Throughout this entire part I've been trying to know who Anna is. She doesn't even flinch after reading Grey's submissive rules in chapter 7. I don't understand why.

At least with Grey I can understand. He has issues. I don't know what those issues are but he has them. All the same, however. I feel that in BDSM there's a fine line between being dominating and straight up controlling, given Grey's rules he gives Anna to read, who, by the way, is ready to sign on the dotted line before even looking at a contract that Grey's lawyer insisted on having! Oh my god, Anna, how can you be so vacuous? Anyway, moving on shall we?

These are just too severe to be just a BDSM regime.

RULES

Obedience:

The Submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The Submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities that are outlined in hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation.

Notice how it says within the context of sex, above? The below say otherwise. They go beyond the sex. This isn't healthy BDSM.

Sleep:

The Submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of seven hours' sleep a night when she is not with the Dominant.

If she's not with the dominant then why does she need seven hours of sleep? She's not with the dominant at all. What the hell. This isn't even logical.

Food:

The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and well-being from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit.

It's just sex, she's not going to be the next model… this is borderline controlling with no limits. Why is he even controlling her food portions, and not just for meals either. Snacks. Oh my god. Anna doesn't even know what she's reading, by the way.

Clothes:

During the Term, the Submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant. The Dominant will provide a clothing budget for the Submissive, which the Submissive shall utilize. The Dominant shall accompany the Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires, the Submissive shall wear during the Term any adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and at any other time the Dominant deems fit.

No. this is where I put my foot down. This isn't dominant anymore. This is controlling that's taking away my basic right to be who I want to be by controlling what I wear... I’d stop here but Anna is clueless, and doesn't understand the full implication of these rules. Again, why is she so dumb?

Exercise:

The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in hour-long sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and the Submissive. The personal trainer will report to the Dominant on the Submissive's progress.

Why? Why does this need to happen. All you two will be doing is having sex. Jesus. Can this get any worse?

Personal Hygiene/Beauty:

The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The Submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant's choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit.

I understand you want to have your woman looking good but I'm sure she can definitely do this on her own. Right, I’d leave this relationship. This is abuse. Controlling abuse!

Personal Safety:

The Submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, take recreational drugs, or put herself in any unnecessary danger.

My anger is escalating. Now drinking isn't okay? She's a grown woman dude; she can do whatever she wants!

Personal Qualities:

The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant. The Submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant. She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of the Dominant.

I’d leave this relationship. Simple as that. The above isn't healthy. We're going past dominance and she's giving up simple controls. This isn't healthy, but Anna, being a virgin, thinks this kind of life will be pretty sweet!

Just to reiterate, I don't understand Anna, at all. How in the world could this kind of lifestyle be hot, especially if she's never seen anything else? Oh my god.

It's a good thing the next chapter is a sex scene because I don't have to listen to Anna try and figure out the world. Instead, I get to see how James describes a sex scene.

I've read many erotica, so I know my good descriptive writing and bad as well. I've seen it all. James has a style of writing where she tries too hard and it leaves funny little sentences that detract from the mood of the scene. She's a very good describer but there's a line between what you describe and what you don't. Describe the meaty action, not the mundane action. For instance…

He steps out of his Converse shoes and reaches down and takes his socks off individually.

Don't describe people taking off their clothes in great detail during a sex scene writers; it will make your writing not sexy anymore.

Throughout the scene Anna has trouble saying the word vagina. I understand that she's a virgin but if her inner goddess is sexy then she has to be as well. She shouldn’t be timid. If she is in fact like this and have always have been then why are you showing us her inner goddess who's the opposite? I don’t get why at all.

The sex scene shifts from good, to weird, to bad, to oh my god, in an "I'm shocked" here's an example.

"I'm going to fuck you now, Miss Steele," he murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of my sex. "Hard," he whispers, and he slams into me.

I don't understand why the author doesn't just say vagina, or anything else. Writing like that detracts from the scene.

Chapter ends with Anna going to bed after seeing Christian play the piano. Dear god the first sex scene is over!

I'm on the fence about the rest of the book. I see potential here and perhaps I'm wrong, but without a basic knowledge of just who Anna is and why she thinks the way she thinks I'm gonna be really confused throughout the rest of the book. The good news is that Anna, bless her darling heart, isn't a virgin anymore. Perhaps her inner goddess will come out to become her changing personality. I'm actually looking forward to reading the next part to see if that will happen. I'm sure there will be many more sex scenes as well as character conflict. I hope that the words "my sex" are NEVER used EVER AGAIN. She isn't a virgin anymore!

It's time to expand that dictionary. These chapters weren't bad but so far there's a lot of missing patches. Next week, you all will find out if they were ever resolved. You'll also learn what happens next in my erotic journey! Stay tuned!

Other Stories by Robert W. Kingett
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